Why You Can’t Change (Even When You Want To)
speaker, mentor and author who has spent decades teaching self-awareness, emotional intelligence and authentic living. Together, we explore why so many women struggle to make lasting change, even when they know exactly what they “should” be doing.
Paul explains why behaviour change is not about more discipline, stricter routines or better plans, but understanding the beliefs, labels and patterns shaping your life since childhood. We talk about how most people live on autopilot, repeating the same habits and emotional patterns without realising why.
This conversation covers the role of the ego, why it keeps you stuck, and how reconnecting with your body and intuition can change the way you make decisions. We also explore why change feels uncomfortable, how your environment influences your identity, and why the people around you may resist your growth.
We dive into emotional intelligence, why your feelings are not facts, and how past experiences shape your reactions. Paul shares how to build self-awareness, break familiar patterns, and make small changes that actually last.
This episode is for:
- Women who feel stuck in the same habits, patterns or cycles despite trying to change
- Women who are constantly overthinking and disconnected from their intuition
- Anyone who knows what to do but struggles to follow through
- Listeners who want to understand the deeper psychological side of behaviour change
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:
[00:00] Why change doesn’t last
[02:12] How labels from childhood shape your identity
[04:30] Belief systems formed before age eight
[06:10] Behaviour change vs belief change
[08:05] Living on autopilot and lack of self-awareness
[09:42] Ego vs intuition and safety
[11:35] Overthinking vs reconnecting with your body
[15:40] How others hold you back
[17:05] False self vs authentic self
[18:50] What actually lights you up
[20:12] Why most people feel disconnected from joy
[21:45] Seeing your future self through others
[23:10] Identity shifts and environment
[25:20] Finding your people and leaving old environments
[27:05] Readiness vs information
[28:40] How your internal world shapes your life
[30:15] Social media and mental influence
[32:10] Emotional intelligence and understanding reactions
[36:00] Past experiences shape current triggers
[38:10] Building self-awareness
[40:05] Why staying stuck can feel safer than changing
[42:00] The inner critic and how it forms
[44:20] Why positive thinking alone doesn’t work
[46:00] Behaviour change, habits and emotional patterns
[48:00] When relationships hold you back
[50:00] Why we stay in familiar patterns (Stockholm syndrome)
[52:00] Finding supportive environments and your “tribe”
[54:00] Living in alignment
[56:30] Self-determination, regulation and creating better days
[59:30] Final reflections
CONNECT & LEARN MORE:
Becca & Health with Holland:
You can connect with me on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and YouTube – @healthwithholland, where I share practical education on nervous system regulation, women’s health, and sustainable behaviour change.
If you enjoyed this episode, I’d really appreciate you subscribing, leaving a review, or sharing it with someone who might find it helpful.
You’ll also find courses, resources, and more podcast episodes at: https://healthwithholland.com
Paul Scanlon:
You can connect with Paul Scanlon on Instagram at @paulscanlonuk, where he shares insights on self-awareness, emotional intelligence, identity and authentic living.
You can also learn more about his work at paulscanlon.com, including his books, speaking and mentoring.
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